Mental toughness

Mar distance: 129 km

Buangkok, 26 km. As I do my loops, I see the road sweeper open drainage covers and sweep their undersides. Why does she do that? Who asked her to and what difference does it make? I wonder what she thinks as she sweeps in the deepening darkness of dusk.

Back home, I fiddle with my front shifter. When I press the lever, it moves but does not click and the derailleur does not shift. In other words, the shifter is merely going through the motion. I spray lube to dissolve the gummed up grease and shift it furiously. Until it stops shifting. Oops. My heart sinks. I probe the inside with a screwdriver from the outside and everything clicks.

Memory lane

Punggol, 46 km. It wasn't meant to be this way. It was meant to be a short ride, down memory lane.
Wherever the wheel turns, I'll go. Just an hour or so.

As I wandered, time and distance passed quietly by. Before I knew it, more than two hours passed.

Last Sunday, she passed away. Gone, light as the wings of a butterfly, leaving a heavily-burdened life behind, where luxuries were just simple pleasures. I wish I was there, just one more time, but I wasn't. I've said goodbye several times, I wish I was there to say it just one more time. Goodbye.

Systems thinking

I see the light!

Tampines, 31 km. The haze is back, in the moderate range. As I cycle the trail, my tyres are low pressure, suited for hard pack, grass, sand and gravel. Not quite suited for road in terms of speed, but good for comfort. I don't bother to pump the tyres up then let the air out. While there are variables (not to mention tyre tread), the constant is traction and balance.

The slope is so steep, I lean forward to shift the centre of gravity forward. Near the top, the front wheel lifts up and I fall. I go so slowly, I 'm not punctured but twist my ankle as I fall at an awkward angle.

At its core, cycling is about balance. You need gravity for traction; gravity is your friend and enemy. When it comes to people, the core is about care. Self-sacrifice vs self-preservation, friend vs enemy, thinking your enemy is your friend or vice versa, treating your enemy like a friend. There's a system there somewhere?

This post is dedicated to NY, has it been eight years since I last cycled with you?

A sudden message, a sudden adventure

Tampines, 26 km. Yesterday was a crazy day. A sudden message, a sudden visit to hospice. I've seen
dead people, but never someone dying. There's nothing left to do but wait.

Today, I ride. At first, it's aimless. First, dog territory. I skirt them, along a single track, if you can call it that in the expanse. The wind blows and I wonder if my scent will draw them.

Look hard enough, and see the jungle in the concrete

Ahead, I see a shimmering. I hope it's the sun glinting off gravel, but it's not. It's water. Soon, I am more than rim deep in muck. Imagine the quagmire I'd be in if it wasn't for the regional drought. I hear grinding from below me. Yup, the brake pads are grinding down my rims.

I grab a fence to skirt the muck, while untangling vines from the handlebar with the other hand and balancing all this while. At one point, I see a leaf 30 cm long, covered with fiery red ants as big as my thumb nail. I'm glad I didn't grab it nor did it brush against me. They're just a face-length away.

The trail goes on. I see a group of people sitting on the grass. Soon, it's desolation again. Where am I? It's getting dark. I gotta get out of here!

I see a human figure in black. As I approach, I see he's got wild vegetables. I ask him where he's going. He speaks some English and points. I follow him through an obstacle course. Adrenalin flowing, I heave my bike like it's a pillow. It goes over railings, hedges, a drain, then I'm safe.

Things have changed

Feb distance: 129 km

Tampines, 28 km. I used to go north. Today, on a whim, I go east. Things have changed. There used to be jungle by the road. The jungle has been flattened. The road, which used to be "free flow", now hosts major junctions. I go past factories which are still being built.

Well, at least the dogs that used to hang out here and chase me are gone.

Dying and dead

Jurong, 69 km. Yesterday, I visit an (ex) colleague spending her last days in a hospice. Today, I go to a wake - another colleague's grandpa is dead. He would've been 108 if he'd lived till his next birthday. H

The dead guy lived through five governments (including the Japanese Occupation) and the Great Depression. The dying lady is half his aged and didn't even get to retire. She's so responsible; when she was on extended leave (before going to the hospice), she'd help her replacement by phone.

This is the first time I've cycled to a wake and "meet" anyone a century old. I get lost on the way home, but make it back, taking the long way home. The route is the same, but a large part has been widened, with new asphalt.

I ponder about life, about what I'm doing with mine, and how a few seconds of adjusting the air conditioner for my dying friend made such a difference to her.

Scaring myself

Good life eh?

Seletar, 32 km. After cycling on grass, roadside debris and grass, I hear hissing. And my front tyre

looks flat! I dismount and squeeze my front tyre. It's hard like a rock. So what's hissing?

Ah, a gardener spraying water on parched grass. Sometimes, things aren't as bad as they sound?

It's Chinese New Year. Another year, the year of the ssssnake, has passed. Last year was the 10th anniversary of my first epic ride.

New road

Jan distance: 116 km

Seletar, 36 km. I read the once-sleepy airbase that's Seletar is become even more expansive, with more new roads within and without being built, so much so that even the land on which a petrol station stands will be acquired.

I head out to take a look before the place is obliterated, only to stand in memory. I trundle around the area, wary of dogs. I cycle on roads where I'm the only wheeled vehicle; everyone else is a pedestrian. There's another road where there's no one in sight. Does this portend of a new road to take in life?

Going downhill

There used to be Bottle Trees here (trees have gone downhill)

Sembawang, 40 km. In cycling, going downhill is exhilarating. In life, the phrase "going downhill" has negative connotations. As in, a guy who charges his camera battery but leaves it at home, thus ruining a group photo in a restaurant. Or a pedestrian who launches himself into my path such that I brake and swerve. All of which I see this afternoon.

My gear is going downhill too. My frame is 8.5 years (or 40,000 km) old. I was warned (today too!) to change it, lest there is catastrophic failure (just like my wheel). My crankset is nine years old. It is cranky.

My Brooks saddle is exactly three years (or over 12,700 km) old. And yes, it is a pain in the butt.

New year, new start

Sembawang 40 km. First ride of the year.  This year will be different.  What it'll be, I don't know. I just know it will be very different.

For a start, if I don't want to cycle 50 km, I'll do 30 rather than do nothing. Because something is better than nothing.